Dining with others may lessen loneliness…and lead to weight loss and well-being.
—By Deborah Kesten
“Because food is what it is, it is of utmost importance that we receive it with deep gratitude,
because we consume life. Whether it’s cabbages or cows, it’s life that we consume…
How can we not be grateful for the life that sustains us?”
— Zen master John Daido Loori
Some describe the dine-alone trend as “digital dining.” Others call it “dashboard dining” or “desktop dining.” Solo Dining is the term I coined to describe the eat-alone trend, and loneliness, that are sweeping across America.
Indeed, Solo Dining has become a fixed feature in America’s escalating epidemic of loneliness. Studies show that Americans eat nearly half of all meals alone; and those who report feeling lonely has increased from 46% in 2018 to nearly 60% today.
What exactly is the new-normal Solo Dining overeating style? It is one of seven statistically significant eating behaviors that behavioral scientist Larry Scherwitz, PhD and I discovered that ups the odds of overeating and weight gain.
Do you see yourself in any of these dining scenarios?
- Eating a sandwich, salad, or snack, perhaps while texting, working at your computer, or being otherwise distracted by the details of daily life.
- Driving home at night, munching a burger and fries from a favorite fast-food outlet.
- Having a secret, private “zone out” in front of the TV with, say, some pizza, a pint of your favorite ice cream, and perhaps a bag of chips.
These eat-alone scenes are likely familiar, because it’s typical for millions to eat meals by themselves. For instance, children may reach for a piece of packaged pizza that rests on the kitchen countertop, then eat it at the computer; many millennials may heat up their takeout meal in the microwave, then dine solo while watching TV; and many are driven to ‘dashboard dining’ while en route to yet another meeting.
Where Eating with Others is the Norm
Clearly, the eat-alone trend has escalated during the last few decades–especially since the imposed isolation linked with Covid. This is a radical shift from the centuries-old tradition of eating with others.
For instance, consider the traditional Mediterranean diet, which evolved over 5,000 years. Voted #1 best diet for the seventh consecutive year by U.S. News & World Report, the daily staples of this health-enhancing diet are fruits, vegetables, whole grains, beans, nuts and seeds, moderate amounts of fish, dairy, poultry and eggs, and occasional red meat and foods with added sugar.
But a lesser known foundation of the Mediterranean diet is sharing meals with family and friends.
Discovering the 4-Facets of Food
In other words, the Mediterranean diet is more than a diet, it’s an age-old dietary lifestyle that provides physical nourishment with fresh, whole foods (Biological Nutrition); while dining with others (Social Nutrition); encourages positive emotions (Psychological Nutrition); and infuses meaning into meals (Spiritual Nutrition). These are the four facets of food that comprise Larry’s and my science-backed Whole Person Integrative Eating®. program.
We discovered the four facets of food–physical, emotional, spiritual, and social nutrition–when we did research with 5,256 people who filled out our 80-item “What’s Your Overeating Style? Self-Assessment Quiz” before and after they completed my 6-week, 18-lesson, online e-course on Whole Person Integrative Eating® (WPIE).
What we discovered is this: There’s a link between the four-facet way of eating–and the Social Nutrition guideline to eat with others–and eating less and weighing less. Without dieting.
Solo Dining, Loneliness, and Obesity
What’s sobering–and very telling–about our research findings on Solo Dining is the correlation between chronic social isolation while eating and increased probability you’ll overeat and gain weight. And a growing body of other state-of-the-art studies, from researchers worldwide, also link Solo Dining with overweight.
Here’s a sampling:
- Researchers in Japan found that eating alone and living alone are jointly associated with higher risk of obesity and unhealthy eating behaviors (translation: consuming mostly fast, ultra-processed junk food) in both men and
- In a U.S. study with 8,459 kindergarten children, those who watched TV during dinner—instead of eating family meals while having convivial conversation—were more likely to be overweight by the time they were in third grade.
- A two-year study out of Korea revealed that the obesity rate of those who ate all three meals—breakfast, lunch, and dinner—by themselves was almost one-and-a-half (1.4) times higher than those who ate all meals with others.Yet another study from Korea showed a clear correlation between lone diners in their twenties and their being obese.
The takeaway: When we do not eat in community with others, we are more likely to overeat. Both our new-normal Solo Dining overeating style suggests this, as does a growing body of related international research.
Loneliness Rx: Reset the American Table
In her recent “On My Mind” newsletter, Arianna Huffington discussed U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy’s concern about today’s loneliness pandemic. “Last fall,” writes Dr. Vivek, “I gathered with students to talk about mental health and loneliness. As often happens in such gatherings, they raised the issue of social media…There was a sadness in their voices, as if they knew what was happening to them but felt powerless to change it.”
Such discouraging data about escalating social media-based isolation, coupled with the eat-alone trend in America, has motivated some innovative tech entrepreneurs to develop apps that invite isolated remote workers and others to find offline friends by meeting over a meal. It’s a start.
Recipes for ‘Social Nourishment’
Here are some “recipes” for starting your own Social Nutrition traditions that can turn table-for-one digital dining, dashboard dining, desktop dining, and solo dining, into a virtual table for two, three, or more. The goal: to create connection while eating.
Invite a person to share fare with you. Take a break. When working, ask a coworker to join you for a cup of coffee or a snack. Or eat with one or more coworkers when it’s lunch time.
Host a pot-luck dinner at your place. Invite some favorite people in your life to bring a pot-luck dish to your home. For instance, ask one to bring a salad, while others complete the meal with a main dish, sides, and dessert.
Create a “food family” cooking club. Invite coworkers, friends, family, and community members, such as a neighbor, to be part of your virtual, or in-person, cooking club “family.” Once a week, or once a month, decide on a “cuisine theme,” then meet online or at the homes of members to discuss each dish and enjoy the meal together.
Dine with your pet. If you have a dog or cat or bird or other pet that you love and live with, consider enjoying a beverage or eating a meal the same time that your pet eats.
Loneliness Rx: Reset the American Table
Perhaps the ancient “social nourishment” message in food writer Marion Cunningham’s wisdom that “we’re fed more than food when we eat with others” is worth considering: “It is one thing to eat,” she said in an interview I had the honor of doing with her, “it is another to dine on lovingly prepared food with good friends.”
For when we do, not only is our social appetite sated but body, mind, and soul are also fed. Such is the nourishment that beckons when we reset the American table and enjoy food-related experiences with others. One meal at a time.